My partner in crime

The last post was about my parents, and this one is about the lifeline of our family. My sibling, friend, guide or my second mother, my didi, my elder sister. It is great to have an elder sister. My friends say that it is great to have elder brothers. But from my experience I can say that it has been a pleasure having an elder sister. She is the most understanding person that I have ever met. I always idolized her and tried to be like her, just like all younger siblings do. But then she never really got frustrated but very smartly negotiated me. She had a very good way of handling me, she would get out the things out of me but then she had good control over the way I think and act. Just like all small siblings I wanted to be with her and observe her. But she smartly allowed me to be in midst her friends and made me realize that I didn’t have the same intellect as a her group of friends had and in a subtle manner made me realize that I couldn’t enjoy being there. Though there is something special that I always realized (which I don’t know how she does) that all her friends always pampered me. Many a times I felt that I am too young to her. There was occasions when I thought that she was alone needing someone who could understand her point of view. I always felt inadequate to instill her confidence in my ability to understand things. It was a lesson I learnt that kids can’t understand certain things. Every kid thinks that elders are for no reason underestimating their ability to understand. But I was always left feeling that I can’t understand things and so I am unable to do anything for her. But then she is such a fighter that she always comes out of anything on her own. So the smile on her face never perishes for long. The worst days of my life have always been when I in some way had hurt her feelings. I can hardly bear her being mad at me for any reason. Of course, there have been many a moments in life where she has put utmost trust in me and many a times I have shamelessly let her down in a big way. But then she has always been there as the rock to lean on, the pillar to support my dreams, the window that always opens to the beautiful world outside, the couch that always gives me comfort. All in all she is the house that shelters me from all the rains, storms, tornados, tsunamis and what not…

Many a times I feel bad for being such a bugger. I always feel so fortunate to know such a person, let alone the fact that she cares so much for me.

Just like old wine our relationship kept on becoming better with time. The last year has been the most special one. In the last one year this relationship developed into a two way affair. I realized that I too could stand up for her. I saw her putting more trust in my understanding of things; I could observe her from closer quarters. I better understand what she desires and how I can be part of the fulfillment of her dreams.

I can’t ever imagine not being there when she wants me to be there. I don’t have a great deal of really close friends because I have a part of me always dedicated to her. I might also blame her for me not having a girlfriend, because looking at her I know what a woman with substance is and so I got caught in a vicious circle wherein I set the bar at a very high level and then always found myself inadequate to match someone of that level.

It was a great period for me when I was living with her in her home. I always wanted to spend loads of time with her and I did it during that period. Though she was very busy but still it was great fun never the less. Frankly for her younger sibling it was a dream come true that there was a great deal of understanding that was developing. Apart from she taking care of me, there was something that I felt I could do for her.

I don’t know when I will be meeting her next, but I just hope that I can be with her whenever she feels the need for someone. Another irony, I was always there with her when I knew I couldn’t do anything, and I now wouldn’t be there when I know I can do something for her.