Indianism

Have you noticed how we are always in a hurry but never make it on time? Indians are known for how much they honk on the road and break all traffic rules with impunity because, one presumes, they have to reach their destinations fast. Then why are we always late - for movies, picnics, interviews, appointments, dates, receptions, birthday celebrations, funeral proceedings - and are known for being hopeless at keeping time?

I honestly don’t know many desis, except perhaps Mumbai brokers, who respect time. Have you noticed how our houses are the cleanest but we live in the dirtiest neighbourhoods? I mean, if we take off our shoes before entering our drawing rooms and subject visitors to the same exercise, even unsuspecting ones whose cultures don’t recommend this purification rite, it would only be in the fitness of things that the roads we walk on or drive past, the parks we loll around in and the public places we visit are equally sanitised. But they aren’t.

Have you noticed how we worship everything that even remotely represents or connotes a god, goddess, deity or holy spirit? You must have surely seen people touching books and pens, coins etc to their heads and raising their hands to their foreheads at every passing holy site. Then how come we just don’t take care of our temples, mosques, gurdwaras and churches?

How you noticed how we must surely be among the last surviving lot on earth that has such a prudish attitude towards sex? In which case we should be borrowing people from outside to fill up our country, but it is brimming with men, women and children. So who’s doing all the rolling in the haystack? Have you noticed how we get really affronted when westerners mention our brown skins but ourselves think nothing of jeering at anyone who is black or yellow? Have you noticed how patriotic we are?

The number of deshbhakti songs, films, hymns, bhajans, stories and novels we have is astounding. We treat our national flag like a consignment from heaven and for a long time we didn’t even have the right to put it atop our homes. Then why are we always making a beeline to go abroad? The list of Indian inconsistencies is long and interesting. We are like this only or only we are like this?