Boyz dont cry

Becoming a mature person has got a hell lot to do with controlling emotions. As i grew up i always had one thing in my mind and that was to express emotions that people who care would like to see. So this meant that try and smile, never show that any thing is disturbing me. I always tried to hide emotions because the concern from my family always went more than i could handle. I couldn't show that i was bothered by something, because the attention that i received after that was more of a bother. This might be considered to be a temporary phase when one tries to control emotions but it has a lasting effect over a period of time. once we try to control emotions we start losing the spontaneity of our expression. I realize that i decided not to cry. No matter what happens I never shed a tear. I took pride in this practice for a long period of time. A common notion that boys don't cry. of course, I was happy to follow it. Then things started becoming more and more complex. There are certain things that one can say and express and there is para-language that accompanies our words. but slowly and slowly as we try to suppress our emotions we start loosing this god gifted coordination. Thus trying to show a different emotion as to what really is, becomes more and more difficult. Even worse is the fact that once we stop showing emotions, they dont come out naturally. many a times i feel that i am not reacting to any situation. There is a kind of numbness. The situations dont stimulate any emotions. I laugh because I think that it is natural to laugh in a certain situation. I am angered because I think I should be angry in a certain situation, I am sad just because anyone would be sad in any given situation. This is a very complex situation.
I think it all started with some silly notions and was stimulated by some anxieties created by fears that i have since my childhood. this is what i recently read in a magazine article that fears cause mood fluctuations and other clomplexities.i am trying to get out of this mould. let me tell this to all those who read that i have learned it the hard way but i would like to tell you that it doesnt matter that you show your emotions to others. if it is supposed to be shown , show it. sometimes it takes courage to even show your emotions without any fear.