Hypocrites? no hypocrite

Well, hypocrisy has actually depreciated in value, just like money does due to inflation. Interesting comparison eh... Well if it so be then lets delve a little further. The increase in Price of goods over a period of time leads to fall in real value of money. Similarly, it is the inflation of the general level of the ego that every person carries. There used to be a time when there were few people for whom everyone used to say that they have an attitude problem and overtly inflated ego. Well, now a days I think the level of tolerance has certainly increased. Or so to say people are ready to tolerate more just to ensure that they are able to overshadow the liberties, that they take to satisfy their ego, in the name of self-esteem.

I had once read that eagles fly only with eagles. Well, I never considered myself an eagle, so I thought of flying way below my capabilities to carry along people who were not so capable. I knew I had to be with them for a considerable time, so apply the funda of utilize your time in the best possible way: try and what ever you can in what ever situation you find yourself. So be constructive to the people and help them improve. In doing this what is at risk is the possibility of people getting you wrong and scolding... STOP!!!!!!!

What is this people, they, them etc. I never used to categorize people, I always used to treat everyone as an individual and used to look at the positives of every one. Wasn't that the reason why I thought of getting into this profession? Isn't it why I am here studying to become a HR professional. Well, ALL IZZZ NOT WELL here. I think the biggest hypocrite is right here within me. I think over a period of time i have lost myself. It is time for some soul searching and regaining what has been lost. Myself.

Kashmakash

kashmakash hai talash hai
sadiyo puranee yeh pyas hai
chale uss raste ham haste
jab tak hai josh aur dum
chhal hai chal bola yeh mann
dub jane kaa yeh jatan
jana hai pana hai
gehraiyo me khone kee lagan

iss parvaj me hai kai raj
rang, ras, riti rivaj kuchh ujhle
kuchh dhundale kuchh simte kuchh bikhare se
chalne ko hai rah hai chah
yeh nadiya, yeh dariya
tej panee kaa bahav
moksh hai hath ke dav

kho gaya hai meraa sapna, bharam tuta meraa
lut gaya jo thha apna, kadam behke jara

guru dakshina shant atma
paisa diya mila parmatma
shraddha saiyyam dur huwa bhram
lambe kash se bas nikla dum
abb woh dhuan kahan mit gaye sab nisha
kaisa yeh samah
khalee khalee hai yeh jahan

kho gaya hai meraa sapna, bharam tuta meraa
lut gaya jo thha apna, kadam behke jara

dekho khatam huwa yeh khel
patharee par se utaree yeh rail
maro kato aahe baato iljam do dharam ko
dharam tho hai sachchi niyat
sachchee niyat hai insaniyat
mutthhee me hai apni kismat

kho gaya hai meraa sapna, bharam tuta meraa
lut gaya jo thha apna, kadam behke jara

Changes

It is always so easy to talk about the need for change. And no I don't talk about the change that is talked about in the classes of Organization Development or any other form of crappy management. I wanna talk about me, my daily life. Things that are there, they exist and sometimes they bother me and I feel that i should be changing them but I don't. I keep thinking that there will come a time when I will change it all. But always after bringing about the change I feel that there was no need to wait for so long before doing something.
During childhood, (which I believe is gone but still a lot of people think I act kiddish), time seemed to have a different dimension. I always used to think that there would be a proper time to do things and now all of a sudden I realize that 23 years have past I don't quite remember much of it and worse is the fact that I cant recall what all I did during these years. Except planning things maybe.
I now realize that change should never wait. It is the delay that brings in more complexity. I tend to delay other things because I will change something some day. I have over the past year or so taken big risks in landing up in really messy situations. But somehow I never suffered from any serious repercussions. Or maybe whatever happened was not too big for me. So why be afraid of mess. If change brings in a mess, at least it is worth sorting it out.
So no more waits. If I want to do something, I will do it now.

happy birthday to me

My first birthday away from home. I hope to do something to give this 23 years of existance some meaning.

orkut crush list

Had a lot to study through out the day. as if that was not enough, had a lot of pondering to do with regard to the relationships between the people around me. that story comes later. Just to refresh myself I thought of surfing internet. out of bad habit, I ended up going to orkut. Now I dont know what happened and why it happened, I just went ahead and added a few friends on whom I had had a crush to my crush list. Just no reason, I don't know why. So I went ahead and added thenm to that list. when i went back to my gmail inbox, i was #6(&*! to find a mail from orkut, showing that one of them had also added me to their crush list. the sad part is that she is one with whom i had the least contact. I talk and keep in touch with many of the others in the group, but not much with her. not quite sure but maybe she is the GF of one of my really good friends (although not quite sure about that).
Whatever being the case, what crazy things keep happening in this life.

Jobless

Just one of those days when the whole world conspires to tell you that how jobless you are. I have been sending in mails after mails since yesterday, hoping that some one would pick me up for summer internship, but alas such is the fortune that I haven't received any reply till now.
And just as I go through this, for the first time in a long time I find that none of my contacts (200+) in my gtalk are online. Everyone is busy with their work (or whatever) and I am the only dumbo with nothing to do and so I am online sending in applications which I dunno is having any effect or not. (except for the one that it is having on my psychology. :P )

The awakening

thanks to information from Rahul now i signed up for Jagriti Yatra. He is on the trip and I seriously hope that I am able to make it too. Hope I get a sponsor soon.

new house

hey i just moved into a new house. it is really exciting. left the lodging where i was putting up till now. this is a huge flat which i will be sharing with 5 others who are in the same college as me. Hope to have the pics up soon. It is exciting to have a home of your home isnt it.. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we be blogging again....

havent been blogging frequently as i used to. Just found out that gul started blogging again. well it was just once that i chanced to visit her blog and it was then that i decided to blog again and so i started this blog. she had stopped blogging once and for all and even hid her blog. Now just read a couple of her new posts and again it has revived in me the spirit to blog. so i will make more of an effort to blog from now on.

22 years of being worthless

My blog now knows that our relationship is also of formalities. Only when there is an occasion is it going to happen that junat will turn up and log in and write a post. Ok so what is the occasion today? Well, it is Tanuj's birthday today. Its been 22 years since a disaster happened on this third rock from the sun. As usual, today, I do something that I should have made a practice of doing on a regular basis. I introspect on the time gone by. what is it? 22 years of being worthless. I just don't know what I am doing? I know I have not achieved a thing. All I have is all I was given. All that I do is condole myself that there is a reason why i am here. I say to myself that I am here for some purpose. that I have a guiding star that will take me to some where I will have something significant to contribute. I has been so and every year on this day all I say to my self is that it will happen. I would never say that my life has been a waste. I have learnt a lot but never put all that I learned into use. I always learned but what i never learned was how to perform. my life never allowed me to be just another face in the crowd. I always had the option of being at the top but I always chose the bottom, giving reasons that required a lot of character which i always lacked. I was not only a day dreamer but a person who always refused to wake up. My di always made me realize that there was an important stage of my life at every point of time but I just never cared and I know I never will. So just forget me now as I never existed just as you would when I wouldn't.