messed up brit teens

For the last week or so, I've been pretty hooked up to this british teen drama series, called skins. I don't quite follow TV series, other than the popular comic ones, but I pretty much liked the approach that this has toward character development. Each episode develops the story around one of the character, telling us more about it, while taking the story along. I generally like to watch old seasons of TV series on my laptop, as I don't have the patience of waiting and remembering where the story was left last. However, this one moves at a pretty fast pace. around quarter of an hour of each episode, with the story moving at a real great pace.
It is about a interesting phase in life, the teenage, though, the events that the characters face in their lives and the impact that it has on them can be a bit disturbing at times. At times, the way the need for support is realized through random sexual encounters belittles the otherwise emphatic approach to character build up.  But maybe that helps in building up the pace at which the story moves. Some characters are awesome but hard to believe for teenaged kids, particularly like those of effy or cassie. In fact, maybe their age restricts them from bringing out the true shades of their characters. Not sure how experienced the actors are, but their performance is pretty consistent and impressive at times. Though I think what really makes the narrative all the more impressive is the amazing choice of music for the background score. It is just awesome. I am closing to the end of the second season, but I think I might get bored of it pretty soon. (well the impatient part of me read the story beforehand at wiki) But, I think I will keep watching it till I get hooked up on something else.

ek madhav baug

I went to watch the Hindi adaptation of the play Ek Madhav Baug at Prithvi Theatre. It is a play about a mother getting to know about her son's homosexuality. What was running through my mind was the movie Memories in March, that dealt with a similar subject. Though similar, the way the story was projected is what made a difference. It was an amazing one actor play that was superbly performed by Mona Ambegaonkar.
The setting is of an enactment of a play within the play which makes it even more amazing. She keeps the audience captivated through out the period of a little more than an hour, as she depicts the story portraying the emotions of the different characters.
She enacts a story of a divorced mother who has raised her three children and leads an independent life in her home at madhav baug. On a rainy day she decides to take leave from her office and stays back at home, only to receive a phone call that informs her that one of her son is gay. She is shattered as she is not able to understand how her child who she thought had not even grown up had a different preferences. The play here on shows how the love of the mother for her son, makes her come out of the narrow minded thinking that doesn't think much of others who are just 'not the same'.
When she confronts her son, he doesnt deny it, but rather gives her a pen drive which he says is his diary that he wants her to read. when she reads it on the laptop, it is actually a journal that he had kept of what he wanted to share with his mother about the fellings and emotions that evoked in him making him different from others. He tells a tale of how he tried to cope up with the situation and tried to alter his orientation. Through out as the mother reads the journal, she feels the pain of what her dear child had to go through as he didn't have the answers to the questions that came to his mind and how he couldn't just come up to his mother and talk about it.
Then comes the climax, where she rounds up an excellent performance as she comes closer to her son to be part of his life and understand him better and support him in his perplexities.
Once again, hats off to the writer of the original play for the way it was created and to actress for pulling off an amazing performance.

TED ka Masala

I was first introduced to TED talks about a year and a half back. I have since then seen a lot of interesting talks through the videos on their website. Exploring more about the events, I saw that there are quite a few independent events associated with TED that happen around me in cities like Pune and Ahmedabad, and of course in Mumbai. I missed out on the events organized at Gateway and Bandra and the one at ASB is invite only. Anyways, it was an awesome experience never the less. The event was well organized within the campus of IIT Powai.
The event started off with the talk from Nipun Mehta, who is the founder of service space. He shared his story of how surprised he was when he took a tour of Gujarat and found people who generate generosity. He showed examples of how you don't need to have things to give. He shared examples of people who have spread the generosity. The focus of his talk was about an inner transformation that happens when people indulge in an act of generosity.
The next talk was from Gaurav Gupta, who is the leading advisor from Dalberg, gave a very practical talk on the work that is going out there to provide the basic necessities of life to those who live "off-grid". Off-grid is the term used to describe those who are "unplugged" from the urban infrastructure that provides us water, electricity, sanitation, LPG for cooking and other basic needs. His presentation introspected into the fact that how innovations in one field make it possible to develop other solutions that can be used for development. He also talked about how these off-grid communities are spending so much money for these basic necessities money model and how they can get better facilities at a much cheaper cost with some innovation. A very practical solution to problems that seems insurmountable.
Then there was a stage performance. It was a play from a group of young and talented girls from Reality Gives, that showed the plight of life in the poor slums of Dharavi from the stand-point of a little girl growing up in a family in those slums.
The last item before the break was a video screening of a ted talk exploring the 4a.m. mystery that cracked up everyone.
The session began after the break with Rahul Hasija, taking everyone on his quest for learning. He started with exploring what importance a degree holds in the eyes of those that work hard for it. Then he went on to explain what learning really means to him and how he tries to make his learning more interactive. How he travels to get the opportunity to connect with people and understand what they do and how he tries to bring more within the boundaries that the society has created around him, making him more of an individual.
Next up was a dutch artist who has been in Mumbai since 2010 exploring art as a medium of self expression. She described how art has helped everyone to express themselves in a manner that is easier for others to understand and how bland the interactions would be if the society didn't develop art.
Then there was another screening of a ted talk, david damberger speaking about why it is important to admit mistakes to be able to learn from them and make the efforts more effective. He shares stories of how well directed development projects failed to yield results for the beneficiaries. How they started the culture of admitting mistakes and publishing failure reports on an annual basis.
The next person to take the stage was Harish Iyer, who is a human rights activist. He was a victim of sexual abuse in his childhood and talked about how he never could talk about it to anyone, because no one talks about sex in the society. He explained why more open talks about sex would make children aware about the ill intentions of the molesters and would deter the molester from carrying out these heinous acts.
Then we has a small talk from Nickoley Kinni, who tried to ensure that she brought smile to atleast one person every day through out a month in december 2012.
Finally, it was time to rock the house. It was courtsey a band assembled by NSPA, that played the poems by Kabir with a reggae-rock sound. It brought down the curtains to an awesome event.
Of course, there was a networking event later that I didn't attend. It was for interesting people to talk about the interesting things that they do. So I skipped it, as after all I am just a boring guy that fills spreadsheets sitting in a corporate office. ;)

Lonavala

Outbound trainings are always fun. It was a great way to kick-start the new year. It was a two day trip (3rd and 4th Jan) to lonavala with my extended team at office. We put up at a hotel called Fariyas, and indulged in various activities like, doing a skit, making a movie, playing various fun filled games, going on treasure hunts, etc.
I have always believed that activities are the best way to bring people together and learn more about each other. The more challenging the targets or tasks, the greater is the sense of collaboration that people show and go on to shed their inhibitions, bringing out their inner selves.
Of course, it is going to be back to square one, once we are back to meetings, conference calls, project meetings, listening to rumors and fighting out on operational issues, but at least, you know that there is a different person behind all that official communication.

By the bay

I realized that its been quite a while since I had been to Marine drive. So decided to meet a friend there. It is a pleasant place to be during these winter evenings. There is a chill in the air that is seldom found in this bustling city. Though I would say it is always a pleasure to sit and watch the sea relentlessly hitting the rocks at the bay. There are always some people burning calories running around, and the couples sharing some moments together, and some married ones who come with their kids playing around, and the groups of friends engaged in some discussions or some leg-pulling and of course some people who sit alone and find some solitude looking at the wide ocean in front of them.
Then, there are the vendors who have this lovely job of pestering all these people to see if they would like to have a cup of chai, chana jhol garam, baloons etc. and the occasional hinjras and small kids begging with a smile on their face, like the hunchbacked old man wrapped in saffron who went along that evening meeting everyone saying that he didn't want anything as his lord had given him everything, but still if anyone has 16-aanas to spare then he would be happy to take them.

After spending some time near the bay, I met a friend of mine and we went to Pizza by the bay, which I hadn't visited since it got renovated. It certainly has a pretty classy look now and the food was decent enough. Then I treated with friend with a specialty that I got to know about, the biskit ice-cream just a few steps away. Then another stroll by the sea and then we parted to go home.

The new year rings in...

I was mightyly surprised when I came to know that I had an holiday on 1st Jan. I wasn't really planning for a new years party, but when my company too thinks that I should be having fun on new years eve, then who am I to object. I have always spent the new years at home, as I didnt quite like the idea of spending it somewhere outside amongst strangers. I planned to stay indoors this time around as well but then a friend of mine called up and asked if I had any plans else we could hang out today. Anyways, in a spur of a moment I decided to go out. So I rushed out of office and came back to room, to change and hurry out. We went to Big nasty in Bandra, but were refused stag entry. Well we were four guys, with one of them tagging along a his g/f. (whatever happened to those golden ol' days when boys used to have fun). Anyways we headed to elbo room then. one of the guys was a regular there, so no problem there. Thankfully we were early there and thus got ourselves a seat. The drinks started pouring in, though in limits as we were a bit conscious about starting the new year by still having some money in our wallets :P
Anyways, it was a pretty dark room and too congested a place to dance, but then who can stop those who can't stop themselves at the DJ's call. (Though I must say that the DJ was not all that great). Anyways, we rang into the new year unnoticed. No countdowns, no screams etc. Just some song playing out loud on the DJ's console. A few dance floor swoopers, few gals who were down on drinks and a few guys who were happy with that. Anyways, we decided to move out by 1.30 and move towards carter road. thankfully we did that, had shwarmas at Carter's blue and then had gelatos. kinda weird combination (Dont try it). There after my friends made a move and I stayed back, I dont know why. Maybe just wanted to absorb the magic of the night for some more time. Maybe, just feel the tinge of cold in the air of Mumbai, or maybe just sit all by myself for sometime near the sea shore and wish myself a happy new year...

Amchi Mumbai??

When i first came to mumbai and was searching for jobs, I had met a senior who told me during a candid chat. "This city is a great place to work, but this is not a place to live". What he probably meant was that this city gives you an opportunity to show that you are unique and can stand out, but then it gives that opportunity to many others as well and as a result many people do stand out. He was heading a function in his organization, had earned himself an apartment and car over a decade and a half, but still he had to travel by local trains because he had to save time on travel. This place can't give you a comfortable life. At least for someone who is new around here and is looking to start from the scratch.
I didn't mind slogging as i came with nothing to loose and thus didn't think much of what he said, but over a period realized that the statement had an implication on the mindset that people have, which allows them to slog so hard. Sometime back our maid went on a leave and the next day she came and said that she couldn't come because "meri behen ka aadmi off ho gaya.". Though I understood that she was mentioning about someone's death, but the phrase she used was new for me. Today, when I look back, this phrase is what seems to define this city that never sleeps. The show just goes on and you exist as long as you are part of the show and once you are no longer part of the show, you don't seems to exist. You are a cog in the wheel that has a function to perform and when you no longer exist then then have been unplugged from the socket. The pie may be huge, but still not enough for everyone and thus you cant exist, you need to survive.
It is commonplace to hear everyone say "Aamchi Mumbai", which means my Mumbai, but what strikes me now-a-days is that "Yeh Sheher kisi ka nahin hai, par jo yahan aata hai woh isika ho ke reh jaata hai"(this city is of no one, but everyone who comes here, becomes a part of it). Though it may be true for many big cities, but may be it is the flavor of chaos that Indian life adds to it, which makes the experience unique.

Midnight Music

Some lingering thoughts keep me awake and restless tonight. As always, I don't know how to shut them up. I started some music on my mobile and started playing some music. This somehow brought back memories of more than a decade back of a CD player. This player was a bright blue colored 3-in-one that we had bought after getting rid of the old black two-in-one that had been around for more than a decade and had been the companion apart from a walkman, that kind of introduced me to the world of western music. I remember that I we had bought a dance non-stop party album on a audio tape that we could listen to when we travel. As a kid even though I was decent enough when it came to speaking english, but i never understood what these western folks used to sing. So I was kinda frustrated when my sister used to listen to those songs and i couldnt make much sense out of it. thus when we bought a cassette, then there must be some hindi songs on it as well. So those were the days when there was a hit punjabi song "gur naal ishq mitha", and not that I could understand punjabi either, but atleast i could listen to something I could connect to. That audio cassette had about three or four hindi songs and then the rest were all western songs, that too not peppy senseless number but some classy numbers like jamaican farewell, macarena etc. So that was my intro to western songs, and I got comfortable listening to this music, to the relief of my sister I believe. There after she got some assorted numbers from her friends and cousins and some albums like backstreet boys and boyzone. Those were the times when there was nothing like a playlist or shuffle. The songs were there recorded in a sequence and as I used to remember not just the songs but the whole cassettes itself, expecting one tune to play after the other. Then slowly i started understanding more songs and started to listen to the best of me album of bryan adams, who remained for a long time my favourite artist. I developed a liking for those songs to the extent that I even picked up a diary and started writing down the lyrics as I understood them, unaware of the fact that there was a whole world on internet which had all the lyrics i would like to read. of course the album that i fell in love with head over heels was a collection of ABBA. it came with lyrics on the cover and I listened to the songs carefully and picked up those songs and finally realised how songs can have meanings and feelings.
Anyways, that was when we had that 2-in-one, then we got a three-in-one on which I started to listen to a program on AIR radio station that played different english songs between 8 to 10 pm. When my family was outside watching those soapy daily soaps, I used to be inside listening to a variety of english songs. I also used to record songs on an audio tape and play them later, trying to know more about the various bands and the kind of songs they played. by that time I knew that internet was a source to find out more about such stuff.

Where the thoughts started to flow from was when i remembered how I used to position my single bed to be exactly in front of the table that had the CD player. Then I would put in a CD, mostly one CD that had a mix of more than a 100 english songs, plug in a headphone and listen to songs all night long on a shuffled playlist... listening and sleeping at the same time.

I will survive

So its finally one year since I have came to this city of dreams, with no dreams whatsoever to be honest. After a rollercoaster of a ride when i look back now, the one song that rings in my head right now is "I will survive". From what I have observed at various points in time, the one word that describes this city is survival. Be it the games played in huge corporate offices or the daily hustle bustle on the streets, everyone ultimately has just one thing on their mind, and that is to survive. But what gives strength to this city's spirit is the realization that to survive on has to live, no one can just exist. Existence has no meaning until you are actually living your life. And I think that is what gives me the courage to stand up today and tell this city that I will survive. there have been many instances in the past few months when I felt that I can't take it anymore and would quit this life and move out of this city. But then here I am, struggling but keeping up with the pace and ready to face another day with another new challenge just around the corner. I always used to think that life at 24 is the most amazing. You have the best of everything at this time of life and I must say that I believe that I have the best of my life experience at this age. Transition from academic institutions to work life is amazingly difficult to adjust to. Last year, I had the confidence of taking on anyone in the world and suddenly I am surrounded with people with many faces and who have made a living out of traits that I would not associate with a day's work.
Some say I was acting stubborn and was not going with the flow but I must say that it showed me where I was weak and what it means to act smart and stand on your own. I have not completely withered the storm as yet and there is lot to be done in the days to come but I am ready to take on what is to come. The words and phrases that I used to hear people say when giving guidance speeches have a completely different meaning to them today. And thus I mean a lot today when I say "I WILL SURVIVE"!!!!

Des Mera rangrez ye babu

"If fate doesn’t make you laugh, Karla said, then you just don’t get the joke." This is one of the lines that remained with me since I read Shantaram.
Over a period I realized that I can very well laugh at various things in life and overlook that as the games that fate plays, but for others these games define their whole life. They can't find the joke, leave aside laugh at it.
Peepli live is an attempt to make everyone see the funny side of the tragic turn of events with which many of the farmers have to live in India. It is a tragedy that they live in but we can derive some pleasure in watching others in trouble. The movie is what can be termed as a satire on how the media works today to sensationalize any issue without actually trying to understand the kind of impact they create. Instead of realizing their responsibilities, how they let themselves to be manipulated by others for their own benefits.

Ha ha ha...

Got this mail from "Jen"   :P


Hello Dear,
How are you? I hope you are fine, My name is Ms Jen,i came across your profile. I am seeking for true love that will bring happiness back in my life, I will be expecting your quick response direct to my email address remember age color or distance matters not,what matters is true love and friendship, until then take care of yourself and have a nice day
Yours Jen

Bad trick played on lady Jen by any friend of hers or is it any new kind of phishing trick...

Youth For Vigilance

Dear Friends,

I write this letter to share with you what has been running through my mind for past few days. This thought has been taking shape in my mind for the last one week. It has taken the form of a letter today because of todays’ significance. I had a friend who used to study law in Pune . He lost his life this Sunday after fighting it out for a week. He had sustained serious injuries last weekend when he was unfortunately outing at German Bakery when the blast took place. If it was not for that incident, I would have wished him on his birthday today, but now I know that it is no use calling on that number, when the reminder on my phone rung this morning.

I had always felt sorry for the victims of these blasts that have become so frequent in recent years, but this time the feeling is different. There is a sense of restlessness about the whole issue at hand. There was a march by the name ‘Youth for Peace’ that was organized in various cities this Sunday. But now I feel this whole issue is not about peace and harmony. The tormentors of our lives are not against peace, harmony etc. They are inhuman in their approach. They don’t quite realize the meaning of these words. Now it is about fighting it out against these people. I really salute the brave soldiers of the nation, who as the Anti-Terrorist Squad, have been fighting against these cruel people. I think that for them to be successful it is necessary that they get full support of the citizens. The support that they have asked from us is ‘Vigilance’. A community is successful in achieving its objective only if everyone realizes and works towards their goal. There is a community of Godless people out there who take pleasure in tormenting the lives of others. Our nation has been worst affected by these activities, so it is necessary that we all should understand the significance of being vigilant and realize the role that we can play. If our community of over a billion people stands together and get ready to do everything possible to restrict these people from disturbing our harmony, then I think we will be a force that will be invincible.

Today, we know that these ruthless people have trained professionals like engineers, doctors, scientists etc. who work for them to help them plan out their attacks. Thus, can’t we, as young professionals keep providing assistance to our government to tackle these threats. I think that the time has come that we need to be more vigilant than just refrain from mishandling suspicious unclaimed objects that are lying in public places. Just this Monday I was travelling from Kolkata to Ranchi via overnight train. To my surprise, in a huge station like Howrah, where lakhs of people travel every day, I was able to get in to the station without passing through a metal detector door-frame. My bag never went through any scanner and if I would have wanted, I could have easily taken a bag laden with explosives without anyone even noticing it. Is this the lessons we have drawn from what happened at the other end of the country just a week back? With the threat of terror already looming over the metropolitan cities, I have read quite a few articles on the possibility of these attacks reaching out to the smaller cities and towns of the country as these are soft targets with less or no security. Thus, things need to be tightened up and I think all this can be done only through the support of all the citizens.

As we know the complexities that bind the socio-economic fabric of the country, I think there are a lot of services that can be provided by the citizens of the nation. There needs to be a system or network though which we all can provide solutions to situations that in turn become the problems that go on to become the weak threads in the fabrics that these attackers are able to exploit. Services of research, counseling etc. can be used to realize potential threats arising within the society and to sort out the issues before they become a threat. For example, there are a few professionals who work amongst us in reputed companies and also work for terrorist outfits. They have certain reasons due to which they feel justified in doing what they are doing. We don’t need Anti terrorist squads to always get hold of these people. Through our own vigilance we can try and track these people down. Being part of the society we can better understand the reason why others might be feeling alienated. If we see something happening that might have improper consequences then we should be able to do something about it. Thus there are lots of factors that make this whole job of stopping these attacks, very complex. Thus we need to identify areas where we contribute.

One important factor about entrepreneurship that I have understood is that it tries to satisfy an existing need and I certainly feel that there a need to find ways to attach ourselves to this fight against terrorism. There has to be a system through which we can contribute. I don’t know whether we need social, religious, communal, spiritual or whatever other kind of entrepreneurship, but we need to address this need. I think we all can share some ideas on this.

After every attack we hear the names of some the victims and they stay in our minds for some time. But sooner or later we forget them. I am just stating what happens with me and I believe that it is the same with almost everyone. But this time around I know that there will be one name that will be at the back of mind always. Memories of my friend will refresh every time I would hear of any new attack. He was a jolly good fellow who would have done something good in his life. But his life ended abruptly. So is the case with many a talented people of this country who have already lost their lives. I believe that these are not just any other people, these are martyrs. They lost their lives in a battle that they never thought they were part of. We now know that they were and we need to carry on this battle and win it for them. That is the only fitting salutation that they deserve.

So let’s join our hands together to try and contribute our share in this war against terrorism. Let us try and avoid this agony of losing a friend in such senseless attacks. As my friends Ashish keeps reminding me ‘WE HAVE JUST ONE LIFE TO LIVE’, so we cannot let others take control of it.

JAI HIND!!!
Tanuj Poddar

A decade or so...

Hey, this last week of the year I read quite a few articles that talked about a decade that was. Yeah, hard to think that it is already a decade since we were all talking about a millennium change. Well so it is.. its been 10 years. There were many articles throwing light on various events that took place during this decade starting from the attack at ground zero, war in Afghanistan, return of the UPA govt., Financial scandal in corporate world, Bush to Obama, Tsunami, formation of European Union, fall of saddam, Terror attacks in metropolitan cities, Mars explorered through the rover, spread of web 2.0 services, intergration of phones and other communication devices to make the world a small place and innumerable changes in the technologies of the ways things were made and various natural calamities etc.
The list just seems endless.....
But in essence what is the change that matters. I will share my perspective in a filmi manner, in the bollywood eeshtile. It is said that cinema is the mirror of the way teh society thinks. I would say that society has moved from the 'Dil Chahta Hai' days to the '3 idiots' day. It was the time when we were riding high on what we did in the last century (or even the millenium). There was development at speeds that were unimaginable and we were in awe of what we could do. What I talk of is the general consensus of people (all across the globe). There was focus on filling the life with more joy. We were riding high on the opportunities that the open economy was providing and we were ready to ride on a highway at breakneck speeds. Life was more about the mushy romance and singing 'woh ladki hai kahaan' and rocking and partying in Goa and being bound in friendships that last for a lifetime.
I would say that it has taken a many a broken necks to realize that there needs to be some speed breakers on path and proper governance of the people maintaining the highway is needed. People choice of movies shifted over a period of time from KNPH, Mohabbatien, Josh, Dhadkan, K3G etc. to action with some percieved reality of how things are like Vaastav, Kaante, company, D etc. & some movies increasing the sex quotient of the industry, to movies that actually hit the consensus of the society and people were able to relate with. People were affeted by movies such as Swades, Yuva, Phir Milenge, Black Friday, Hazaron Khwaishien Aisi, Maine gandhi ko nahi maaraa, page 3, Rang de basanti, The Munnabahi series, TZP, Guru, Dharm, wednesday, Halla Bol etc. When I talk of change in perspective I dont say that today these movies are the top grossers, or have the hit mantra. The top grossers are still the Hum tum, love aaj kals of these times, comedy pots from bemzi or priyadarshan, but what I talk about is the fact that people today are able to relate to these movies better than they did a decade ago. I think that people today are more acceptive of the fallacies that exist in the society and there are a bunch of extraordinary people from the Gen Z that are taking up the mantle to clear up the mess. Apart from wasting time reporting about the fevers and gossips of celebs, childrens going down the drain etc. (courtesey AAJ TAK genre of news channels), the media has been doing great work in using the medium to keep the janta aware, we are very well nearing a future where we can say that 'yeh public hai, yeh sab jaanti hai'. What has been teh most pleasant surprise has been the way the people in large have responded to the situation presented to them. The unity that I see in the diversity is amazing to see and I am sure that even though it will take time but we will some day soon see my dream of moving from 'mere tolerance to appreciation' amongst the different communities that exist across the globe. Though terrorism is stalling the process, but it has to be credited for bringing the adversities which has forced people to break their shells and come out to help each other for the sake of humanity.

Toh all in all bhaiya, keep minding the speed breakers and instead of worrying about the destination, take the opportunity to travel with others and enjoy the journey aur ceeti bajaa ke bol, ke bahiya 'AAL IZZ WELL'. (Whistles)

Continuation requires impetus

Life is continuous, but to maintain the continuity an impetus is required sometimes. It is like a drainage pipe of your basin. it is supposed to flow, but sometimes some things just get stuck and stop the flow, so you need to use drainex to get the flow back to normal.
Similarly, I keep some work lagging and wait for some time to get it done. Well now is the time, that I had given myself to contact everyone and send across my wishes to everyone and clean up the mess created in the last few months, post drafted posts on this blog. etc. etc.

Hypocrites? no hypocrite

Well, hypocrisy has actually depreciated in value, just like money does due to inflation. Interesting comparison eh... Well if it so be then lets delve a little further. The increase in Price of goods over a period of time leads to fall in real value of money. Similarly, it is the inflation of the general level of the ego that every person carries. There used to be a time when there were few people for whom everyone used to say that they have an attitude problem and overtly inflated ego. Well, now a days I think the level of tolerance has certainly increased. Or so to say people are ready to tolerate more just to ensure that they are able to overshadow the liberties, that they take to satisfy their ego, in the name of self-esteem.

I had once read that eagles fly only with eagles. Well, I never considered myself an eagle, so I thought of flying way below my capabilities to carry along people who were not so capable. I knew I had to be with them for a considerable time, so apply the funda of utilize your time in the best possible way: try and what ever you can in what ever situation you find yourself. So be constructive to the people and help them improve. In doing this what is at risk is the possibility of people getting you wrong and scolding... STOP!!!!!!!

What is this people, they, them etc. I never used to categorize people, I always used to treat everyone as an individual and used to look at the positives of every one. Wasn't that the reason why I thought of getting into this profession? Isn't it why I am here studying to become a HR professional. Well, ALL IZZZ NOT WELL here. I think the biggest hypocrite is right here within me. I think over a period of time i have lost myself. It is time for some soul searching and regaining what has been lost. Myself.

Kashmakash

kashmakash hai talash hai
sadiyo puranee yeh pyas hai
chale uss raste ham haste
jab tak hai josh aur dum
chhal hai chal bola yeh mann
dub jane kaa yeh jatan
jana hai pana hai
gehraiyo me khone kee lagan

iss parvaj me hai kai raj
rang, ras, riti rivaj kuchh ujhle
kuchh dhundale kuchh simte kuchh bikhare se
chalne ko hai rah hai chah
yeh nadiya, yeh dariya
tej panee kaa bahav
moksh hai hath ke dav

kho gaya hai meraa sapna, bharam tuta meraa
lut gaya jo thha apna, kadam behke jara

guru dakshina shant atma
paisa diya mila parmatma
shraddha saiyyam dur huwa bhram
lambe kash se bas nikla dum
abb woh dhuan kahan mit gaye sab nisha
kaisa yeh samah
khalee khalee hai yeh jahan

kho gaya hai meraa sapna, bharam tuta meraa
lut gaya jo thha apna, kadam behke jara

dekho khatam huwa yeh khel
patharee par se utaree yeh rail
maro kato aahe baato iljam do dharam ko
dharam tho hai sachchi niyat
sachchee niyat hai insaniyat
mutthhee me hai apni kismat

kho gaya hai meraa sapna, bharam tuta meraa
lut gaya jo thha apna, kadam behke jara

Changes

It is always so easy to talk about the need for change. And no I don't talk about the change that is talked about in the classes of Organization Development or any other form of crappy management. I wanna talk about me, my daily life. Things that are there, they exist and sometimes they bother me and I feel that i should be changing them but I don't. I keep thinking that there will come a time when I will change it all. But always after bringing about the change I feel that there was no need to wait for so long before doing something.
During childhood, (which I believe is gone but still a lot of people think I act kiddish), time seemed to have a different dimension. I always used to think that there would be a proper time to do things and now all of a sudden I realize that 23 years have past I don't quite remember much of it and worse is the fact that I cant recall what all I did during these years. Except planning things maybe.
I now realize that change should never wait. It is the delay that brings in more complexity. I tend to delay other things because I will change something some day. I have over the past year or so taken big risks in landing up in really messy situations. But somehow I never suffered from any serious repercussions. Or maybe whatever happened was not too big for me. So why be afraid of mess. If change brings in a mess, at least it is worth sorting it out.
So no more waits. If I want to do something, I will do it now.

happy birthday to me

My first birthday away from home. I hope to do something to give this 23 years of existance some meaning.

orkut crush list

Had a lot to study through out the day. as if that was not enough, had a lot of pondering to do with regard to the relationships between the people around me. that story comes later. Just to refresh myself I thought of surfing internet. out of bad habit, I ended up going to orkut. Now I dont know what happened and why it happened, I just went ahead and added a few friends on whom I had had a crush to my crush list. Just no reason, I don't know why. So I went ahead and added thenm to that list. when i went back to my gmail inbox, i was #6(&*! to find a mail from orkut, showing that one of them had also added me to their crush list. the sad part is that she is one with whom i had the least contact. I talk and keep in touch with many of the others in the group, but not much with her. not quite sure but maybe she is the GF of one of my really good friends (although not quite sure about that).
Whatever being the case, what crazy things keep happening in this life.

Jobless

Just one of those days when the whole world conspires to tell you that how jobless you are. I have been sending in mails after mails since yesterday, hoping that some one would pick me up for summer internship, but alas such is the fortune that I haven't received any reply till now.
And just as I go through this, for the first time in a long time I find that none of my contacts (200+) in my gtalk are online. Everyone is busy with their work (or whatever) and I am the only dumbo with nothing to do and so I am online sending in applications which I dunno is having any effect or not. (except for the one that it is having on my psychology. :P )