paddy world
the mind of an individual looking for an opening in this lost world
When I started this blog I was feeling that there were some thoughts in my head that I wanted to let out. Since not many (in fact none) cared to listen to them I thought that I would pen them(or actually type them) down here.
Looking back to that time I feel that I was in search of an identity of my own. There was a growing fear of getting lost in the crowd. Mr.Tanuj Poddar became Paddy and wanted to live in a world that he would call Paddy world where he could speak whatever he wanted. Thanks to the genes passed on by my mother I was inquisitive and analytical about things and thus my adolescent's daydreaming gave way to dissection of every thing that came in my life. There was an urge to find people to listen my thoughts. I thought that it was unnecessary to try explain things to people who didn't match my way of thinking. There was a burst of confidence and I felt that I was liked by everyone in the way i presented myself. For those who didn't like they could go to hell. There was a touch of arrogance that gave a good feeling. The reins of my life in my hands. I thought about everything I did and thought of those connected to me before doing something and thus there was no reason for me going wrong. But this kinda attitude was vulnerable against failure and that is what happened. In trying to take the failure in the stride the mindset moved to being passive instead of assertive. The ability to incorporate other's view to my logic was lost. Life kept moving statically. I started accepting what was being told when i couldn't understand something. Somethings seemed impossible to understand because i forgot how to give time to understand. Everything had to happen instantly. I started feeling odd in the presence of peers. I couldn't adapt myself to their thought process. On the practical front I was moving nowhere. There was nothing that was added to my commercial aspect of life. What all gave me a youthful burst was forgotten , which included this blog. I seemed to have hit mid-life crisis too early or maybe it would have been my midlife had I not realized that something was going wrong. There was a lot of things that were going haywire . Priorities were not set and self confidence was gone once it found itself wanting for self-esteem. There was a structure without an infrastructure. Renovation wouldn't do , a through rebuilding process had to take place. Thus first the existing structure had to be brought down to rubbles. Along with that a proper blue print had to be built. The voice that had become a noise for others needed to be modulated to a frequency that could be decoded by the receptors. A self-analysis was needed. The new ideas that were gathered had to be implemented. the destruction process continued at the back-end.
People had to be given importance. A scientific approach was required . Thus experiments needed to be conducted and hypothesis was to be tested. So now i start a new chapter of life where i experiment with life to explore it to the core. Thus this changes my blog to
My Experiments With Life
Life and truth are two sides of the same coin.
